So you’ve hatched a plan: this is the year you will get married and nothing’s going to get in the way. Well what if I told you, you will not get married this year… Eek!
You say you’re totally and completely ready to get married, this is your time and this is your year! In your enthusiasm to get married, you’ve got the tried and tested strategy in place. You’ve spoken to friends and family to find suitable matches for you. You’ve signed up to dating apps and you’re scheduling in as many marriage events as possible… So this is it!
What if I told you your plans are likely to fail? That your strategy is doomed and you can expect to be single for several years from now? Yes I heard your heart break and plummet 100 miles per hour... Thump!
Here’s why you will not get married this year:
1. You have no idea what type of spouse you want
When I ask single Muslims what they’re looking for in a spouse they tell me he or she should be generous, kind, loving and so on. Some even say they want ‘a nice wife’… ‘What’s wrong with that?’ I hear you ask... Well if asked, everyone would describe themselves as generous, kind and loving. So basically you’re describing everyone in the world, single, married or otherwise! Finding your soul mate will be like finding a needle in a haystack…Glup!
Let’s take the word ‘generous’. If you asked singles what it means to be generous they’d say someone who donates money regularly to good causes and they perhaps volunteer for fundraising events. Others might say generosity is the way people speak or think about others and assume the best in everyone.
‘Generous’ means different things to different people and it shows up in many ways in people’s lives. Be more specific-only then you will be able to spot your soulmate in a dense crowd of single Muslims.
2. You don’t leave a good first impression
I’ve seen so many Muslim dating profiles incomplete, misleading or obviously completed in a rush!
I’ve seen brothers’ profiles with one sentence that tell sisters they’re looking for a wife and - and wait for it - they plan to offer themselves as husbands… well I thought that was pretty obvious, Islamically any other type relationship is haraam!
Sisters’ profiles include statements like ‘I don’t want to praise myself, you’ll find out when you get to know me inshaAllah’… Is it me or does it sound like she’s got something to hide? These profiles give no information about who they are, what they offer and what plans they have for the future.
If you’re serious about getting married, talk about yourself and your interests. It will give others a way to strike up a conversation with you, unless you’re happy with conversation starters like ‘Hello Gorgeous’ or something just as creepy!
3. You’re interested in someone but you refuse to talk to them!
So you’re single and at a marriage event, you see someone you like and what do you do? You refuse to send a ‘request to meet’?! Confused??
So am I!
When I ask why, they tell me ‘I’m waiting for them to send me a request’... How will the other person know you’re interested? Do singles now expect other singles to be mind readers?
What happens when you meet someone you really like and you’re freaking out because they’re the one! What do you do? Do you face the fear and initiate a conversation? Or do you find any and every excuse not to meet them? And yet deep down you’re hoping somehow in some way you will connect with them and get married!
But you overlooked the obvious! They don’t know you’re interested! You may never show up on their radar and now you’re wondering ‘what if?’... Madness right?!
Soon you’ll hear the news your potential Mr or Mrs Right is getting married to someone else. It will hit you like a bombshell… BOOM! ...then CRACK…yes, heartbreak. Now you’re left feeling angry and full of regret.
So what else can singles do in order to get married and avoid being on the dating scene for years to come? Do you think a coach guiding them through the process whilst building their courage and confidence will help them get married quicker? I’d love to hear your thoughts.